Cheating Stories: Why I Cheated On My Husband

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Cuddling up and watching movies. I think I may have been a side Whore, who knows. I wish I could tell you what drives us to cheat in one simple answer--I can't--but you will find lots of insight in the posts here, just stick around and keep reading.

But, please, oh, please do not define who you are, your true value, by romantic relationships or lack thereof! He trying to choose his words to say but I already know what the 21 questions are. My explorations only enhance my desire for him, as well.

Five Things That Keep You Stuck With a Cheater

Dear Chump Lady: I was recently on your pages reading about cheaters without remorse. I was married at 22 and my wife was 21. My wife was extra-ordinarily beautiful the marriage was normal and the sex was alright. She wanted to get out of the work force and become a stay-at-home mom. We had our first child a year after getting married. But I became bored with the marriage within a couple of years. I became overwhelmed with the additional responsibility of being a father and housework more than half of the house workchild care, maintenance, repairs and gardening etc. I still loved my wife, but started to fall out of love. Despite my wishes she stopped the birth control pills, and got pregnant again. Twin boys arrived about 7 months later. I actually started cheating before the twins were born. They were younger and also attractive, but I was really in it the cheating that is to get the sexual fix. I knew that I was eventually going to dump these women. All I wanted was the sex, and I found it all too easy to pick up women starting with just a simple compliment. It seems their heart, ears and vaginas are all connected. I always wore my wedding ring. You see it, you want it and you have to have it the conquest that is. Just like candy in a candy store. They like the attention and want more. The real problem for the cheater is having to deal with the fallout when you get caught. At that point it is all damage control. I regretted all of the work having to ameliorate my wife; why am i a cheater to patch things up. I always figured she would take me back and think me a bastard, but I was right on that account. I eventually gave up on my marriage and decided to leave for a very pretty but spacy 21 year-old. She had originally been a babysitter to my kids. I know it absolutely crushed my wife emotionally for the rest of her life. My ex-wife and I eventually divorced. It is only now that I am 70 years old that I feel sadness about what I did to her when I reflect on my life. My wife, I think tried to have a revenge affair with an ex-boyfriend shortly after we separated, but that lasted about one month. I think it was at that exact point she realized that any possibility of restoring the marriage was over and she had to let me go. She never dated or had another affair after that. I went through a long string of romances and short and long relationships, holding out the unspoken promise of commitment, but being very careful not to ever fall in love. She had a difficult life raising the three kids on her own. She managed to get them all through high school just 12 years after the divorce at which time she died of stomach cancer. By that time I lost any bonding I had with the twins and most of my bonding with my daughter. You can tell I am somewhat sorry for what happened now, but that was more than 35 years ago. You might think I am now remorseful, but no, not really. I now know that my cheating is a character flaw that I am unable to control. It may even be genetic since my mother, two sisters and two brothers are all serial cheaters. My father lived a miserable life because of it. As I explained I am much older now 70and in a relationship not even common law with another woman quite attractive 54 year-old and with whom I have a fourth child now 19 and in 1st year university. But I am still tempted to wander; still tempted to cheat. Yes I live alone, I look at porn, Ashley Madison, personals on Craigslist, and Plenty of Other Fish. I am sorry to say the why am i a cheater media makes connecting with women and cheating way too easy. There are hundreds of women I would love to meet, and they are all looking for love. As a serial cheater it is easy to predict, that there is going to be a huge explosion of infidelity just lurking over the horizon. Serial Cheater Dear Serial Cheater, Just wow. Occasionally cheaters write to me and perhaps unwittingly prove my points about. Thanks for the sociopathy public service announcement. To cast it in with Hyde, was to die to a thousand interests and aspirations, and to become, at a blow and for ever, despised and friendless. This man lost a good woman and his children…and yet… and yet…When one is not interested in human connection can one lose anything. It captures exactly how i think of these folks. I would see it time and again in the criminals I represented. They do not suffer or consider, at all, the things they are losing. It does not cause him pain that he lost his relationships. Hemay not die alone, but might just die peacefully, rich and adored by some victim. Going through life as a Sociopath presents myriad opportunities for the Sociopath to flourish. Withiut the constraints of a conscience, one could get away with all types of things that provide creature comforts. Many, many of yhese folks prosper as they either walk a very fine line, legally without regard to morality, which frees them up to do all types of evil, profitable things. This guy is a monster, no doubt. But, he may very well reach the end of his life having banked more pleasure and prosperity because he is one. The Message is this: many people who have experienced infidelity in their marriage try like hell to salvage what they can by dragging their cheating partners to a marriage counselor, and hopefully extract real remorse or guilt out of the offending partner. Only then do they feel that the marriage can be saved. Each time he tried reconciliation. He pleaded, begged, sobbed and forgave, He was trampled on four separate times. Yet he still wanted to try and forgive. From my experience his wife will never change. A cheater never feels guilty about what they have done. Now if you want to attack me personally for my story in trying to explain why I cheated, how I felt about it. I appreciate the fact that most of you have been cheated on, hurt, and even devastated and want to thrash out at confessed cheaters. I can handle the derogatory remarks, the insults, the snide remarks, etc. I appreciate the fact that you may think that I am a sociopath or narcissist; a miserable unloved empty shell of a man headed for a lonely death why am i a cheater wish me all the ill will possible. Attacks on the messenger are not going to help, especially if they are based on inacurate extracts from the original posting. Ever heard of being a single, unattached person having no-strings-attached sex, instead of beating the shit out of someone mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. And then you cower like the worthless swine you are. I hope someone beats the shit out of you or takes you to the cleaners. All of us here have been hurt so badly by betrayal and often wonder if the ex will ever regret it. I was hurt countless times by that man. Hard to do, but good advice all the same. Not to help us, I can assure you of that. But hey, I am sure your kids will defend you, just sit down with them and…. And you are right, people here are missing the point of your post. I was never able to understand the depth of lack of empathy until your post. I am one of those chumps that thought if I explained the devastation he would have empathy and want to fix it. Your post clears up a lot of unanswered questions. I think there are ways to detect them and reading about the signs and using my brain vs my attraction alone has helped. Have very strictarbitrary criteria: no past infidelity;good credit and job history; no drug or alcohol problems. The number one thingi thjnk, is to expose them to trusted friends and family and ,actively, seek out their opinions with assurances that telling you their true impressions will not be held against them. I found that after i divorcedmzny came forward regretting they had not alerted me yo their concerns. They had refrained for fear of offending me. But, it wastoo late, aftrr a lot of damage had been done. Arnold, I thought that I was having those criteria. My 20 year experience with marriage to the narc a-hole cements me to the idea of going it alone from here on out. Heck, I was my own husband, save for the sperm he donated that produced three great kids, who like during the 20 years are pretty much my responsibility from here on out. Too much of a performance these days. I am looking forward to enjoying my relationships with my kids 13, 17 and 22 and redsicovering myself — new friendships, activities, maybe even travel on my own. The peace and autonomy is too compelling after what I went through chained to his miserable soul. Good for you pianomommy; this is what a recovery looks like. I am seeing it in business too. People crushing each other lying, cheating and stealing to drive a better car or wear nicer jewelry. Putting people in harms way for a little extra profit. Cutting workers salaries or hourly wage to grow an already huge income. That is not even close to genuine imitation naugahyde remorse. He destroyed his beautiful wife, his three children and is working on destroying his fourth child and the woman he is in a relationship with now. You are at the age where you are going to need help in life and you are going to be left alone. I wonder if he will be so smug when he dies at the nursing home, alone. He is already beginning the long march to the grave and this letter is nothing more than him whisting past the graveyard. He has led a life without meaning and for what. As soon as he dumped one chick there was another one waiting to pick up where the last one left off. However, they do have to settle for less as time goes on. What they will never admit is their supply dwindles. They age horribly and grasp for kibbles where ever they can. Their never lonley because they have a hand. So fucking funny how simple it is for them why am i a cheater enjoy their own disordered company. I see similarities between the contributor and my recent ex who is 63. After the anger and hurt subsided I think my overall feeling is one of sympathy and sadness for someone who can never truly have a deep, fulfilling connection with another person. But believe me, when he is alone in that bed he will. I cannot tell you the number of times I have seen people in this precise situation. Not a care in the world, no concern for anyone else, until the end, when they begin bemoaning the fact that none of their family memebers are anywhere to be found. I once saw a case of an old man who died in his wheelchair in the snow, on his way to pick up his Viagra. His family paid to keep him a caretaker to take care of him and most importantly, to keep him away from them. After he died, they paid for the cheapest cremation available and promptly forgot him…No loss to anyone. Yes, but if he is dead, he will not have any conciousness of no one caring. I feel fairly certain, having met a number of golks lime this, even the aging ones, that others caring about them or the legacy thet leave is of little importance. And, i have seenfirst hand, good, decent people who profess to believe in an afterlife, scared shitless by death, fighting jt tooth and nail. These folks do not all die alone or hated. Some are on our coins and bills, stamps etc. We have no idea what this man n has going for him. I completdly sympatize with the desire some have for justice but it just may not happen. That said- yea some cases were tragic and heartbreaking. I wished I had seen my children grow up, I wished my children were here, I wish they respected me. They finally understood the true meaning of life and that they had missed the point of it all. They died with enormous regret. These are the things I have witnessed, of course Your mileage may vary… Then there are those that I witnessed who lived deeply, with great hearts and live in their hearts that they were ready to move on to whatever else was waiting for them. I know I will die this way, because this is who I am. And I see this in chumps here. There is no gene for serial cheating. There is a gene I assume for when people cannot control impulses and also he was raised with no care for consequences. This is a sociopath; most serial cheaters would attempt to say they fall in love, or why am i a cheater goes against biology etc. He has no excuses and lost touch with his kids. I feel sad for the other women too — they were younger, and this man was a predator and a sociopath. Most normal people are no match for this. I wince when one of us calls another person a lesser human. We need to teach our kids to be aware of these personality types, so they will not fall into the same situations that we all did. This sounds exactly like my ex, who is only 36. He said all the same things to me after I found out he was a serial cheater with dozens of women all low-class, very poor, married, usually with track marks in their arms. He said it was the thrill of the chase, he was always the one pursuing them, it made him feel alive and powerful to cheat on me and steal these pieces of trash from their poor husbands—thats what got him off. Thank God I found out before we had children, although we were married 10 years. I cut him out of my life with the precision of a seasoned surgeon, as if he were nothing more than a 220 pound cancerous tumor. Perhaps its something about the incredible mess and the nauseating smell that bring back a fleeting memory of his shitty existence. I wonder if he realizes what a walking, talking cliche of patheticism he is not that he would likely careor how anyone whom has even a modicum of intelligence or sense is likely sneering at him behind his back. Whether fictious ramblings of someone with wayyyy too much time on his or her hands or distustingly true, this is a completely soulless chunk of pig vomit. If indeed true, well there ya go…way to ruin having relationships with your children by choosing random, pathetic cumdumpsters over your family and not giving a flying fuck about it. Why would I get an ego boost from screwing the ugliest guy I could find. At the time, I was 29, he was 34…the women he was looking up online were over 45, ugly as sin, and about as wide as they were tall. As soon I realized that, the proverbial fog lifted and saw what he really was. The one I caught him with was a downgrade for sure…. Looked like she crawled out from under a bottle of black hair dye. My self-esteem took a real beating. Seeing them for what they are is definitely the key that unlocks the door. Freedom When I think of the downgrade X always ended up with, it was typically either someone who was also married or was single and knowingly screwed married men. X did end up with a beast who is more disordered than X if that is possible. One of them, specifically the Troll Hobbit, why am i a cheater to get me into a pick me dance for him. The dimwitted bitch could even see through his shit after fairly quickly. Some of the men and women I know who I believe to be like this are pretty darn physically attractive and hook up with nice looking folks, no downgrades. As they age, they still attract nice looking folks, just older versions. Somatic Narcissists, often retain their looks longer than averageas, since looks are their main bait, they invest heavily in them, working out religously with high pain thresholds. They invest in cosmetic surgeries and wardrobes, too, to stay equipped for predation. I was married to a man just like why am i a cheater. Every now and then during an argument about his latest adventure in whore land he would let slip a little nugget of complete truth. Those nuggets of truth sound nearly identical to the letter. The only difference is this old asshole Sat down and wrote it all out in one long message, while my ex asshole dribbled it out bit by bit over the years. My fuckwit tried blaming social media to some degree. Technology has changed, cheaters are all still the same. You never indicate you should have done anything differently and seem utterly unable to empathize with your wife, girlfriends or children. And the way you describe the tragic death of your wife is downright bone chilling. This letter is a pathetic, near-end-of-life play for narcissistic supply disguised as insight. I wrote this piece more or less to let faithful partners in a relationship to abandon hope of reforming the cheater or trying to save the marriage. I did this to avoid a second divorce, loosing my home, child support, alimony and the like. Obviously you know nothing about this site…definitely not pro-reconciliation…these chumps know better. If you could be honest you would admit not why am i a cheater that you never loved anyone but yourself; you enjoy every minute of degrading women. You have lost your supply of vulnerable victims because…. You enjoy coming here to play with us. You are a narcissistic sociopath who has lost power and control. The aging narcissist facing his false self. You enjoy the anger and pain too. We know everything about you also. What does it feel like to face yourself without your much needed admiration from your victims. We are here to spread the word about the character disordered. Are we your last attempt at an audience. That in itself is the most pathetic laughable action I can imagine from a narcissist. I am laughing at your lack of power. Sounds very like the man I knew,a dangerous narcissistic sociopath who leaves a trail of chaos and destruction in his wake,totally devoid of empathy or remorse. These people are on the psychopathy spectrum and sadly his wife ,it seems,was never able to recover from what he did to her…. These personality disordered types are never troubled by qualms of conscience or moral why am i a cheater. Sent shivers down my spine to read of his glacial,callous disregard for those who were unfortunate enough to be caught in his web…. And yet, many of us were married to people very much like this. I think it is way more prevalent than we know. And, if they are agnostic or atheists, they are not too worried about what awaits them ,other than oblivion, which most of us fear. Thank you for publishing this letter. I believe this was the sort of man I was married to. It was easier to cheat than to stand up and be honest about being unhappy. The writer chose to be a coward and cheat than make decision to voice his unhappiness and push to fix his marriage or walk away honestly and take responsibility for not voicing his opinions before he had 3 children. I believe he is correct when he says that plenty of women will have affairs with married men with families. In my case, she knew us all very well but simply cared more about what she thought she was going to get. I believe this man has no remorse. I would like to hear from him years from now when he needs his diapers changed or spends all his holidays alone in a nursing home. Maybe then there will be some remorse…but probably not. The only horrible part is that the mother of his children did not live to reap the full benefit of her love and hard work raising her children. I will bet that they were with her while she died. The writer definitely left that out so I assume it was the case. If the children had abandoned their mother, I am sure he would have added it to his story. What the writer fails to realize is what he truly lost. Knowing what true love looks and feels like. What love between parents and children or husband and wife can feel like when there is heart-felt love created out of years of real life, mixed with mutual respect, pride and devotion. I am certain that he figured out he would get way more ego kibbles from the rest of the world if he was an amazing father then he would get from being an amazing husband the original game he played. I am curious if something will cause him to change his game of amazing father to amazing something else. There why am i a cheater a lot of ego kibbles in this present age for a fantastic father. He is very very good at playing up his role when the world is watching, but why am i a cheater his true self behind closed doors. Thank god i am out, i had been struggling with the belief he will be different for someone else. They have been married for a year now and I recently found out their big house and big lifestyle is all a lie. Cheater ex has gone through all his liquid assets and is now pulling money like crazy out of his 401k complete with penalties and taxes to maintain the dream. This was a guy who used to be financially savvy but now it is more important to him to prove to the world that he did not screw up. And the way he describes women is so disrespectful. Hope he dies in a nursing home tended by spacey young women who find him pathetic and repulsive. Scary fact is that some men are only as faithful as their options. Makes the thought of dating let alone having a relationship with somebody very daunting. Never meant to suggest only men do the cheating. I feel that anybody can get chumped but earnestly hope that past experience makes all of us wiser in who we choose to share out life and love with. The first step is admitting that he has a problem, which he clearly is unwilling to do. He likes cheating apparently or the thrill of cheating—to be more precise. Probably the saddest and most pathetic part is what that addiction takes from him and the lives it destoys. Creates an incapacity to really connect and enjoy true love. True love does not cheat, and true love cares if it wounds its children. He might use the term, but obviously, he does not know what love is. That is both sad and pathetic. It was probably no coincidence that his first wife died of stomach cancer. Chronic trauma of that kind often leads to malignancy. So he robbed her of more than the love, emotional and physical security of an honest marriage. And like so many of these cliches, the well-being of his own children was always way down on the list of priorities. They were just an annoying by-product of screwing. I developed cancer after being almost solely responsible for dealing with two very sick children for the first 5 years of their lives. Hugs to you Lyn for enduring so much, accomplishing so much- raising two very sick children to successful adulthood, and remaining intrepid through it all. I too had health problems, which I sucked up throughout my marriage which everyone on the outside looking in, attributed to the oddball that was my cheater. It was doubly hurtful, that cheater would never acknowledge, that his behavior was even a teensy bit contributory. It sounds like your X too thought it entirely your annoying little problem. My cheater often played the pity card to the max as part of his continuing image management to reap those kibbles. And a few months into the Child Support he must pay the Schmoopie Stranger till he is a broken down 300 lb 66 year old with a high school education. Decidedly not the proper public image he so desperately chided me about if I so much as laughed too loud at a baseball game, or left the house without him. It just reinforced to me how little I mattered, and how little anyone matters to these disordered specimens of Human Garbage. And The same no bullshit meter that grew in my spine from this awful marriage works in all sorts of situations, not just romance. My dance card remains full, in the sane way that sane humans date and court. He is shocked that I have developed a set of balls against him and a spine. He honestly expected me to curl into the fetal position and cry and let him walk away from me with nothing for child support, total rejection and abandonment. He is going to end up just like this. Already starting down that spiral mental-health-wise, and physically unhealthy too. The most detestable of them, like this asshole, are the ones who know it and insist on feeding on the hearts of whom they perceive as lesser beings. The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. Everything balances eventually; that is the natural order of things, whether you believe it will happen or not. This is unlikely, but I believe that she got her reward for her deeds raising her children, not cheating, being a good person and now has no more pain or suffering. And what is the motivation of the person behind this letter, to Chump Lady. Getting your mojo from reading about others devastation on this website. I agree, the internet is a place where plenty of cesspools of humanity thrive. Getting chump attention gets his dick hard. Except that in the earlier letter the one today he says he does cheat, or looks to cheat on her. That means so much coming from a sociopath. Oh good lord — Chump Lady, I love your website and what you do here — and what a great why am i a cheater. And for that—thank you for why am i a cheater it — not because the letter is particularly revelatory, for all we know it could be a work of fiction from a sociopath — but because it gives insight into the eye-popping array of humanity that you must be fielding on your website from time to time. The man was forever telling me how fantastic he thought our sex life was. He was forever telling his friends and mere acquaintances to an embarrassing degree how fabulously, deliriously happy he was with our sex life. And no one woman is ever going to be that for him. Kudos to the now departed wife who raised their three kids and did the hard work of being the adult. What he said was he had no honor or respect for his wife and children from the starting gate. I doubt there is truth to this. The destruction he caused was an afterthought 35 years later. Serial cheaters hide within a marriage and as they get older it becomes a a burden keeping all the lies straight. Cheaters cheat and end up old and unfaithful to the end. The truth is his children want nothing to do with him and he continues to defend his disordered self to the end. If your spouse cheats expect more. Because they do and will continue to hide in a relationship if you allow them to. Do the world a favor and step in front of a freight train. Free up some oxygen to other people who actually deserve it. My role was to be the facade so he looked like he was the right kind of person to friends and family. And no true remorse once all was out in the open. ByeBye It is all about control. X hid in a marriage with children and I certainly made him look good for appearances only. X was a dreamer with no substance. He found someone who sings praise and adoration for his ego. We accept their inadequacies as our own. We want to maintain stability for our children. By definition a serial cheater must be caught repeatedly. It should give us insight for their potential. Cheating requires deception, planning, lying, and fucking someone Never reconcile with accepting their actions. Just like cheating on your taxes is wrong. I was chasing this sweet young thing when the twins were born, so you know how that is, right. And the older one, well… I was only around it for a few years did I neglect to mention even its sex. Those things are wired right up to a woman things brain and activated with why am i a cheater. Did I tell you I am 70, and I have to take pills to get it up, but this is still how I think about things. Did I tell you about my 54 year old girlfriend. In his is own ego inflated way. Take note everyone… This is how assholes say they are sorry not sorry. It demonstrates very clearly that the selfish and disordered remain so. There is no seeing the light… There is no epiphany… The egocentrism remains at the core of these disordered individuals. They dont grow morals, or emphathy or feelings if the right one comes along… They remain true to one thing and that is their ego and self fullfilment until death do they part His confession reminds me of this quote…. Keeping read that last quote…. Bored and overwhelmed with the housework and childcare, quite an excuse there. Try it with an also working outside the home wife. Bad communication in the marriage for sure. Revenge on the wife for getting pregnant and all downhill from there. I pity the children, anyone he is in contact with. Get some help dude, there are potentially more years of damage you can do. Then they would be alone, and no one would be hurt by their sociopathic shenanigans. You will leave this planet unloved and missed by no one except maybe the last victim you are paying with false currency — the lies you spew like bad breath…. You see, you think you are playing all these women, but the fact is — they are using you too. Thank you for sending this, Serial Cheater, and thank you to Chump Lady, for posting it. My father brought 4 children in this world from 3 different women. But the 2 alive were not present as he he laid dying in a hospital for months. However there was never 1 action to show it. We never knew he was dying until the day after his funeral. He was too much of a scared little boy to ever reach out for love and honesty. We probably would have visited. We were busy bringing his grandchildren in the world. Accept and acknowledge your shitty choices that harmed your children. I think the contradictions here are just meant to incite a chump riot… Interesting he is using an identifiable name to draw further attention. We live by example with integrity and morals. You are not the leader or follower. Your a blank space in time with no substance. Our strength comes from a place of doing no harm. You are devoid of the ability to teach or learn. Your presence is your insecurity, that is obvious. We see you and know you already. Now be generous and donate your brain to science. Researchers unlike chumps would love to pick your brain. A real problem with this website for you is that the folks here have been betrayed and found out about it. Further, you insist that you have led a happy life. You might even be a benefactor of charities and are revered by some. The reaction to your tome, would certainly root out all those pesky Koolaid drinkers, and clear your path to an unlimited supply of kibble. Your declarations are only reserved for this captive audience of the already informed. Oddly enough, on Saturday, I was approached on a dating site by a man who is 70. Being that age, he is out of my range of interest. He had very little information about himself in his profile. His message was chock full of compliments and he supplied me with his email and cell to contact him. There are so many details of my life that I have left out in order to get to the point. In essence l just want to get to the point that I, like almost all cheaters, have no remorse. Everyone thinks that I have a terrible life. Your happiness comes at the expense of many lives. I have met many an amoral man and woman. Amazingly, they are all happy. But happy to someone who is amoral is quite different from those of us who are not. Happy to you is mere existence. Self preservation at all costs. You do not and will never know or understand joy. Yet, I know you live among us. These people are incredibly shallow. I am glad you ran this letter. Not why am i a cheater from his words but everyone that knew her who are never shy about telling my about her sociopathy. You can call theses people every vile name in the book and it will not sink in. Gramps serial cheater with the smelly, saggy, old junk sack. I just hope 54 year old girlfriend is a smarter sociopath than him and is stealing him blind. Gives me goose bu,ps to think creeps like this walk amongst us. I would agree it is fake, except I know someone exactly like this guy. One of his relatives, however, could have written this letter. At 65, he has wrecked 3 marriages, is completely estranged from his grown kids and is constantly on the prowl for young women who are disgusted by his pornographic come ons. And he has zero insight into why none of his family wants anything to do with him. Well, on some women it is broken. My ex was warned by my 30 year old son that he would die alone. No better than a serial rapist. It sickens me, but it also reinforces the choice I made to divorce my cheater. Who the hell would want to live with that the rest of their life except some low value whore. What concerns me is the fact that he was not neutered and procreated. Sometimes I wonder if sociopaths are emotionally retarded and to some extent intellectually too. They might why am i a cheater their character flaw but then immediate come up with excuses to perpetuate their junkie behavior. Meanwhile they are missing out on the best things in life. He has robbed himself of one of the most meaninful parts of life, the ability to love and be loved. Without that, what is the point. All the fucks in the world can never compare with true love, true intimacy, true vulnerability. He might as well be a robot for as much human emotion as he displays. He is just a shell of a man and is actually quite pathetic. He really does believe he is happy. He thinks his temporary pleasures and being free of emotional pain are happiness. He will never know true joy or appreciate true beauty. He cant look at the stars and feel that sense of wonder. When I think about what I want to be remembered for and what I want to look back on from that age 70he hits all the targets for my worst nightmare. Imagine being such an arsehole in life that all you have to look back on is carnage. What a miserable sack of shit of a man and a miserable sack of shit of a life. I hope his first three children learn from his shitty example and have grown up to be good empathetic and kind people that leave a better legacy, despite this despicable arsehole of a father. I can tell you how this pathetic sociopath is going wind up. Six years ago I took in my father. In reality he was not anything of the sort…. As an only child, I felt I had to do the right thing. Cheater, sociopath, malignant narcissist, all wrapped up in one big dementia ridden package. In the end he got ticked off over multiple things and went back to his house in a city across the country. He had no clue that he was 1500 miles away from his home city, would get lost on pulling out why am i a cheater my driveway, and blamed me, of course. That was it…the end as far as I was concerned. He bounced around to multiple assisted living places getting violent when he was thwarted. He died alone in a hospital in his home city. Luckily, it is now possible to have someone cremated, and a burial at sea all done by phone. There was no one left to care enough to come. Keep screwing over people who care about you serial cheater. You too will wind up alone, no one to help you in any way in your final days. Go ahead and burn all those bridges. No one will be left who gives a crap. And when you die, the only emotions anyone will have about your death will be relief. I have just seen it to many time: why am i a cheater of these folks wind up revered and just fine. Sorry, it is just not true that they die alone,hated. Not sure where anyone comes up with this idea. Why is he reading this blog in the first place. What would lead him here if he thinks there is nothing wrong with cheating. And the part that disturbs me the most is that he watched his father suffer as a result of a serial cheater and knows the pain it wrought. Hope he gets one bed sore for every skank he screwed in his lifetime. And boy, has our buddy here chosen it. So why am i a cheater Dad suffer was clearly trumped by watching Mom have the time of her life with no-strings-attached sex. I fail to see why responders are getting so annoyed. I do not like being a serial cheater. I am not boasting or bragging. I am outlining my life in as little detail as possible. It is my way of stating that serial cheaters are bastards. End it and get rid of him or her. We should see her story as a sign that was sent to us on where staying with a cheater or not reaching meh can lead you too. I now only feel attracted to like-minded, authentic people who are full of love and respect for themselves and their family, friends and partners. Any woman who consciously dates this idiot could figure out who he was with a few questions on his life story or the gut feeling that this guy is off and if she has learned something from past relationships, she wouldn´t give him a second more of her time. I was thinking the very same thing Drew. With him out of my life, everything has improved and gotten sweeter. Narcissistic cheaters always assume they know so much when they know nothing. Subsequent to my sending him to the curb, his cousin confided in me this to how she, his siblings and grown children feel about his worthless ass. When the time of his death was near, father only had one person by his side—the illegitimate son. Scorched earth resentment filled familial history repeating itself. It took me awhile to come to terms with the fact that I lived with such a disordered asshole. Their expectation is we are so damaged we can never move on and date or find somekne who shares our values. This is the narcissusts legacy. She never went out with anyone after a why am i a cheater affair and died of cancer. Whatever pain we have to deal with they are not that powerful. They no longer control our lives. I will continue to take medication and see my therapist. I will date and find a partner who shares my values and appreciates what I have to offer. Once the divorce is final, I will find a good man, I will be happy again, but first with myself being alone. Are you trolling this site looking for new victims to manipulate. Hint, it is not in your genes. And, of course, all is fair in love and war, right. You were lucky and were therefore entitled. I recall the economy and societal norms. There is a lot of image management in this letter. But, meh, it is just the story of your life. He was a only a tiny bit surprised when I told him that he broke my heart. For me it gives further proof — that unless you want to change you will never change. There is something about the degradation of women that sounds remarkably like Ted Bundy. This man had no sense of the people he screwed other than to degrade them, demean them and then throw them away. If you look at old photos of Ted Bundy you will see he always has a smirk on his face. That is what I pick up in this letter. He is just happy that he has gotten away with cruelty all of his life. The genetic component is scary because he has four children. It would be better if the writer is a troll. Something about the way he writes…his words, his tone, his choice of phrases…. That was my take on it which I failed to adequately express above…. One thing we do know, this is a very disordered person no matter what their age, sex or intention. Serial cheaters really are freaks. Said this before, gonna say it again…now you are free to buy crunchy peanut butter. Like a hardcore smoker, not sorry even while they are dying of lung cancer. Lack of boundaries, grandiosity, empty, soulless insides, no ability to empathize. Flowerlady — I thought the same thing. This seems like it might be made up. To be that driven by your ego and your libido seems absolutely the most insidious waste of everything that can be beautiful and authentic and fulfilling about life — and about genuine intimacy with another person. What a gross letter from a horny, misogynistic worm. This is truly a snapshot of sociopathy. He once complained that I was the distancer. But if I break and show upset or attachment to him now, he is stone cold. As you can see, these are not people you want as your spouse if you become sick. A woman who has been in some sort of non-relationship with this quasi-human cyst for nineteen years according to him, of course. What is the mental process there. And what kind of young adult have they gifted society with. Well, if it is true, I appreciate the insight into the mind of the sociopath. It verifies everything I have thought to myself on how the cheating mind works, and how easy the world has become for sociopaths to prey on the weak and vulnerable me, once. Similar as to when psychologists interview serial rapists, murderers or child molesters — repugnant, disgusting and yet, fascinating. To hear how they groom their victims, choose their victims and lure their victims, helps us more to protect ourselves from being a target. But it is like you have to live it to finally seek out the knowledge and learn from it. But what Chump Nation can do is to help get the word out, and see it when it is happening to others we know and love. Chump Lady brings a voice, a moral guidepost and a community to stop this very specific and devastating kind of abuse and maybe push back against the growing narcissism, neediness and addict behavior that seems to be growing in all areas of the quick, easy, anonymous, internet-based world. Moving on from an unloving and emotionally abusive marriage or relationship of infidelity is living through the experience and this knowledge is a lesson in life. But that also kind of reveals the pathology of no straight line in these minds by confessing it here anonymously, too. Still, it is a window into the very entitled, chaos-making world of the detached, and cold-hearted, Lothario types. Serial cheaters maintain a life sentence of lies and deception. I always felt like I was working toward something in my marriage. Some here described it as the goal post moving. The mind fuck of thinking you are a couple is an illusion. No matter how hard I tried to pin down what he wanted it was clear he just wanted to lead a double life. My therapist predicted every move the disordered would make. The fucking life sentence is over. I felt this way last summer when my divorce became finalized. Donna: my therapist predicted everything too. He can no more change this complete lack of remorse than a shark can. Good family, friends in school, not bullied. That sociopaths are not raised, although bad childhoods can exacerbate it. So, I am not saying this to excuse a sociopath why am i a cheater the cheater above, but to say, they are wired that way, are dangerous to us, and the only way they can act in non-harmful, or predatory ways is for them or parents that see the traits early on to make a conscience choice to teach them to approach the world in a way that does not harm by learning to think around their lack of empathy. Since all humans exist to serve the needs of the sociopath, they tend to be this kind of serial cheaters. I do not think all cheaters are of this brand. Some are plain old narcissists, some are just character deprived assholes. We were ignorant before, but now why am i a cheater have and share knowledge. Their is power in that and we owe it to others to speak out. Sarah, I have made special reference to your above post at the bottom of this thread. They may then have a better appreciation of what the problem is. I certainly have since reading your post. I thank you for injecting your thoughts. I think the letter is real, because this is exactly how the disordered think and feel. Either way, the thought pattern and sentiments expressed here are really how this person thinks, I am willing to bet on that. This is just another play for attention, even negative. Yeah, just try telling to stop and see the results. He is choosing to be a cheater and hes got way too many who will believe his lies. He was cursed with a brain disorder, whereas this guy — and others like him — have a willingness to control themselves problem. I am stunned by the depth and breadth of this evil. When you think about how many trusting, loving, kind women are out there and how they suffered. He damaged people, took time energy, faith in humanity, faith in love, took energy that should go to their children, left people without resources, How every woman who has come near him, and his radio active dick has come away in some level diminished or destroyed. It is astounding, and then when you compound his behavior with all of the douchy guys we all know about, you start to get a sense of why and how the human race has to work so hard to improve. Every generation loses a large part of themselves to the harm these intra species predators create. This guy gets off on boundary violations. It is so obvious from his lengthy and arrogantly indifferent comments, about his very predictable narcissistic lie of a life, that Serial Cheater is actually way too empty and void of any en-souled or authentic core self to ever have the capacity to know what a miserable man he really is or what an empty vulgar meaningless lie of a life he has lived. Ah it is a paradox with narcissist and psychopaths as he does know on the factual level that he is a creepy deceptive misogynistic arrogantly cruel man that has knowingly lived a pathetic life where he has indifferently harmed others with zero conscience. He knows this on the factual level yet he will remain incapable of ever truly knowing on the human level what a pathetic and empty existence he has lived. He will never understand this as a real authentic human being that has the capacity to relate to life and to others in ways that bring meaning to his life and to the lives of others. He is a methodically robotic man living a very predictably pathetic shallow predatory meaningless life. It is obvious this man is extraordinarily lacking in even the most remote capacity to relate to his world and other human beings in any truly human way. He lacks a conscience and empathy even for his own children. The utter metonymy of his life must be unbearable on any level that could possibly ever matter. His life as he describes it is a life of narcissistic-ally driven deadness where he has continually attempted to escape his own pathetic void-ness via harming and using others. It is clear that these predatory attempts to escape the metonymy of his own existence have not worked out for him in any way that really matters as his own pathetic narcissistic void-ness is inescapable and why am i a cheater as he might to escape the pathetic-ness of his own existence it will not happen. It does not matter how many women he manages to use, harm and discard each act against his own humanity and the humanity of others only plunges him deeper into his own vastly expanding void-ness. His attempts to escape his own methodic emptiness via preying on the lives of others and violating, harming and discarding people even his own children like nothing in life matters, will not ever work out for him. In fact it seems clear as he is pondering his miserable little life at 70 that he has only become more pathetic and void and his life is obviously even more mundanely meaningless than ever. What if more of the healthy, normal, non-narcissistic people of the world woke up and no longer participated with the narcissist and psychopaths of the world. What if we no longer danced their dance. What if why am i a cheater of the women that serial cheater had ever tried to pick up or use were able to see right through him and avoided him like the plague that he is. Where would he go to feed then. Who would he use and violate so he could break the monotony of his own existence. One of the keys to dealing with the narcissist and psychopaths in this world is for non-narcissist to learn how to not participate and feed them by buying their lies and allowing their violations. I can only hope he never realizes that the source of his own discontent is his own rotten fleshy existence. This cheater only confirmed what we already know about cheaters. He felt compelled to put his story out there simply to get the attention he desperately needs to feel alive. He is your run of the mill cheater. Not all of our stories about our cheaters are the same but the one thing they have in common is their selfishness. The idea that they somehow, someday come to their senses. That there is some sort of karma awaiting them down the line. It may not be fair, but in this world, good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. The fact is these people are wired differently than us. They are indeed aliens to us…and this world is chock full of them. They cannot be changed and they cannot be eradicated. They live among us in plain view. The only thing we, as decent human beings, can do is stay clear of them and not let them into our lives. If they are already in our lives, we must get them out as quickly as possible and keep them out by whatever means possible. Regarding karma, I have seen it happen quite a bit in my lifetime to be discounted. As for the serious sociopath, when anything bad happens to them it just rolls right off them and they carry on without skipping a beat. Going to jail does not phase them in the least. Most, if not all, narcissists to tend to suffer from deep depression especially as they age. My father-in-law raging narc comes to mind and he had major health issues to boot. No one mourned him, there was just major relief that he was gone. They are usually very skilled at landing on their feet, recovering from adversity and moving on without a glance back. They are happy if they have memories of successfully using and tricking other people. I personally think that a high percentage of narcs are quite happy in their delusional worlds, and in fact, might be happier than many normal people because they are never bothered by doubt or remorse or guilt or anxiety or introspection or any of those other pesky feelings the rest of us have. Sure, some might end up alone and unhappy, but realistically, so do a lot of normal people. They are like an alien species. They share the same biology and some basic psychological functions with us, but their thought processes are very different and hard for us to understand. The only way to protect yourself is to stay away. Babuska, people used to always say my ex would be sorry after he realized what he had done, but I always assured them he would not. But the shark eyes he had that night showed me all I needed to know. It only served to give him more information that he could use to harm or distance himself from me. They seem to feel we deserve the abuse for being so stupid as to believe they care. Serial Cheater wants to be the poster boy for them and parade himself in front of us…blah blah blah Even now as he sits before his computer, old and shriveled up, he can get his jollies by clueing us all in a whole group of Chumps as to the mechanics behind his cunning superiority. Unfortunately, the rest of society is left to deal with why am i a cheater lack of getting mental health treatment nor a vasectomy. They just love what the other person can do for them. Nope — not in the emotional repertoire of a narcissist. May his children have the strength to walk away without feeling some sense of duty to him in the future. She had a difficult life raising the three kids on her own. I have done more in my last six years single than I did in twenty eight years with Mr. Life is so much better without the disordered. Even the worst moments are better. We are surrounded by those we love and who love us. Truly what existence is all about. What is great about this letter is that it proves Cheaters-anywhere on the spectrum-suck. The fact that this is a 70 year old man who sounds vacuosly entitled and clueless is icing on the cake. I do have to thank my ex and his whore. If not for the fact that they why am i a cheater up I would still be trying to carve out a good life with someone incapable of living it. I can appreciate the fact that he is not worth spending any more time on. Life lessons can be educational, you can bet I will be fixing my picker and looking for better qualities in the next person I allow into my beautiful world. For the newbie chumps…take a look at this letter. This is exactly how all cheaters why am i a cheater in mind, body and soul or lack there of. Had I read something like this when I found out about my psychotic exH cheating and about his double life, I would have turned and ran in the opposite direction. I was reading a few posts from last week and in the forums from newbie chumps, deciding whether to stay or go, divorce, etc. I can guarantee that about 99. This is how much they care about the kids. A family cursed with cheating tendencies. They practically begged for your attention- with their provacitive clothing, and willingness to participate in your sinful hobby. Thanks for the shout out, today, Satan. On behalf of myself, and the extraordinary people here who value authentic meaningful life, Fuck you. Serial Cheater is, his message is a gift to all Chumps. My cheater would love to stay married, and continue his cheating. I enjoy being able to respond to, self absorbed, lying,piece of shit, wastes of space in a non judgemental atmosphere full of fellow chumps. I am so greatful to know I am not alone. Everyones posts are all so wonderful. Babushka has nailed it on the head. I accept all the negative comments, slurs, jabs, and hate mail. I hear your bitterness and disapointment with what has happened to you. I do not stand out in a crowd as a narcissist or psychopath. My life has turned out just fine. What I have tried to say all along here is that cheaters have no guilt or remorse about their affairs. You should get rid of them and move on and make your life a better one as well. Some people really do get turned into stone. It takes guts to change any legacy — and if one is lucky enough to be of sound body and mind, we all have that opportunity in life. Is this actually from Jack Nicholson. And this man is going to why am i a cheater very, very alone when he dies. And that will be his choice; the end result of a lifetime of utter selfishness. I feel more sorry for his partners. You ask why did I get married in the first place. Well when I was 21 most of my friends were getting married. That was enough of a proposal I guess for my then girlfriend to tear off on marriage plans. Before I knew it we were in Seattle buying a wedding ring. I knew the day I, or we, were getting married that I was probably doing the wrong thing but I simply chalked it up to jitters or cold feet. I never remarried after I was divorced. As I said I stayed a single bachelor purposely living alone. My philandering after that was not technically cheating. My current relationship is, as Why am i a cheater pointed out, not even Common-Law since we live in different homes. Simply to avoid divorce, alimony, child support, loss of a home, and loss of wealth. I mentioned earlier that I retired a very wealthy person and marriage or Common-Law is just way too much of a risk when you know you are a serial cheater. I am guessing that I would be the same age as your daughter. Throughout my life I have heard all kinds of looney advice from your kind including the bit that women are going to steal all of your money. And, it is their own damn fault if they got preggers. Wow, nice advice to give a daughter. I am not posting to give you more kibbles. If you are a newbie always seek why am i a cheater legal advice. Do not listen to anyone who is not an expert. Do not listen to anyone who does not have your best interest at heart. So it was all your girlfriends fault, she made you get married. She deserved it all, because after all. I find it humorous he keeps posting responses and actually spent his precious time sharing his special insight with us to begin with. I for one am sorry to see his letter posted. And now the story is how rich and happy why am i a cheater is. Now go back to trying to wank that limp purple headed lust monster to online porn. Your bored, frustrated, and angry. You admittedly stated you cannot bond with another person. All why am i a cheater life you have used your victims and moved on due to boredom and frustration. Perhaps you do feel something stronger about your limited interests. However empty we feel after the discard by the character disordered, we are able to recover and live better. We feel happiness when our children are born. We go through life with bonds of loyalty, love, appreciation, and compassion. Sad you cannot feel these things. Because he has no ability to connect emotionally. All those years I thought the problem was me, but it was him. To Serial Cheater the most important thing is how many notches he has on his bedpost. Posts like this make me glad I believe in hell. Not everyone gets any kind of comeuppance that we can see in this life, and boy, do those people have it coming in the next one. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. I often see people doing the dance as you call it and going to marriage councelors trying to rebuild a marriage. It makes me sick in one particular case to see man trying to forgive a wife who basically cheated on him four times that he knew of, in his own home, and once while he was downstairs. She has no remorse and no guilt and he should just dump her and get out even if there are kids involved. That was the purpose of my telling everyone that a serial cheater has no remorse. Double dog dare you, but, then, looks like the Karma bus has hit you already. Watching your kid sing in a why am i a cheater musical. Seeing them fall in love, or out of it, and dealing with it. Cuddling up and why am i a cheater movies. Even the why am i a cheater macaroni jewelry, or shonky recipe card boxes. That is what your kids will remember, and take forward. But you are really the loser, here. Doubt very why am i a cheater he has money or an inheritance for his children. He why am i a cheater his life selfishly and his story expanded like a verbal mask. Laughing still at his incompetence and delusion of his power. Reminds me of pencil dick x who told his whore he was tired of supporting me when he claimed 0 on his income taxes. Basement boy masturbating to porn. You have feelings for some man that has a cheating wife, but you feel nothing for your family. Believe me if he had done half the shit to me his wife that he was doing to this ghetto rat, if he only told me half the shit he was telling her, if he just tried to make me laugh and spent half the time with me why am i a cheater he did with her, i would have never given up. Your family despises you, and for good reason. He gets free food and medical care, unlimited massage, financial support for his weird hobbies, and access to legalized drugs. Just like this guy, Alex regularly abandons me to go chase strange pussy. I think this is useful to have another perspective. Hard to read and hard to imagine such an empty soul, but that is the way that cookie crumbles. I do think it stands out as a pretty stark warning of what to beware of while moving forward to a better place. What I find the most appalling is the treatment of the children. What my wife did to me hurt me more than anything in my life. I was the best husband I could possible be for decades. But what did my beautiful loving son, who is the greatest blessing in my life, do to deserve having his mother show little interest in him. These people really simply do not care. Swap the keys think movie: The Ice Storm —The lush life. I think the behavior becomes very ingrained and like its iterations internet porn, hook ups, etc. It takes something else to go deeper into true intimacy. What grieves me most is not even affairs, but ongoing deception, and the stringing along of the unknowing heart. But it is a first of a certain kind of betrayal, for sure… I really agree that publishing the letter yesterday has been quite cathartic. Despite all the vitriol here, I think it demonstrates, above all, how important Meh — or coming to indifference and moving on with our own lives — really is. Many of us are trying to co-parent with minor children and frequently lock horns over simple things — what works. Any advice would be appreciated. I am actually trying to deal with my past before it is too late. That is all water under the bridge now. I know that I do have empathy. The death of my 2-year old granddaughter in a crosswalk hit me so hard I still weep about it today, five years later. After re-reading my post I can see some echoes of sadness, remorse and guilt. But they are not obvious to the Chump Lady group. I was definately a cold hard calculating bastard when I was younger. All us kids knew about it, so I have been exposed to it all my life. I think that rehabilitating serial cheaters in their younger years is almost impossible. The hormones are still raging. It is not until you get to my age that things start to sink in. That is the best answer I can give you. I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your precious granddaughter. There is nothing sadder than the loss of an innocent child and my heart goes out to you for the pain you must feel. Would anything that anyone said have spoken to your heart or would everything be a lost cause. So many of us chumps are dealing with people who seem just like the young you that I thought it might be helpful to know if there is any way of talking to — reasoning with. Again, thank you for your time. I had an additional thought since posting my last reply. I have considered the possibility that I was emotionally damaged during my childhood say years 6 to 16. You may recall I alluded to my mother being a serial cheater. The constant fights between my mother and father, my mothers constant leaving and little ones crying, knowing all the time why am i a cheater my mother was up to, and the appearance of strange men when my father was working. So I swore when I left home I would never be like my father. I set out to organize my affairs and relationships so that I would never be the one to get hurt. After getting divorced I swore I would never remarry, I would never Live Common Law, I would never fall in love, never buy a house with someone else, never allow anyone else to I would always be the one to do the breaking up, I would never be the one to be dumped. On reflection, Why am i a cheater would say that the only thing, and the one thing, that may have caused me pause, would be to see the hurt and devastation Why am i a cheater caused right up close. Standing right nest to my ex wife to see up close her dealing with her emotions, and the hurt that I caused her, the devestation to my kids, and their crying for my return. That probably would have done it. But as I said, the anger caused by the divorce proceedings, being called into court to show cause why I was a few days late in paying child support, and having to deal with an affair partner, was all just too much animosity to allow me being where I could see what damage I was causing. Getting back to your answer on how to get through to someone like you — are you saying that if you would have been physically present to witness firsthand the damage you were causing, it would have hit home. I will answer your question right off the top and then explain somewhat. I had originally only posted to dismiss the misconception that cheaters, especially serial cheaters, feel remorse or guilt. Knowing what I know now, had I actually witnesses first hand the devistation that I caused, I probably would have tried to pull my marriage out of the fire. If I had seen my ex wife cry herself to sleep each night I would have died a thousand deaths. At about three months following d-day I wanted to go back, especially for the kids sake. In fact I took them on a camping holiday to the Okanagan. Back to my half-assed theory that I may be carrying a lot of emotional damage from my childhood. My father was a very upstanding fellow. High standards and Victorian principles. For example you may have noticed that I always endeavour to tell the truth. I would never steel would be another good example. I know that a lot of replies to this post accuse me of being a lier. You could almost tare me into two diametrically opposed people. Your most important question from my perspective had to do with my inability to relate my childhood home life to the damage I was causing to my family by having an affair. It turns out that I was, and still am, a fabulous father to my fourth child. He is the apple of my eye, following my footsteps and on his way to becoming an exceptionally bright geneticist biologist. Yes I wish things had been different. There you go again, blaming everyone but yourself. Phalander sic good god use spellcheck Endeavour — how quaint. You would never never steel sicright. Hey, how many years did you steal from your faithful wife and children. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention — I can see why the recent babymomma would never live with you. Burnishes; I just mentioned the animosity that crept in during the separation phase of my divorce which had a lot to do with me not actually understanding the damage I was causing up close. Again it was the animosity that built up around the divorce. No matter how it happens divorce is awful on kids. We children of the first marriage were teenagers — a really complex age. I was the middle of the road oldest child and saw both parents always, but my younger siblings did not speak to my father for a long time, well over a decade, longer than 12 years. So when they met again, they were strangers. I think amends for children can happen at any time. Perhaps the double tragic loss here for you is also because the grandchild was the child of one of the children from your marriage. I am not surprised it would open the floodgate of tears of multiple generations, unexpressed, unresolved… In my family, when the storm subsided, my father waited and did not give up, he kept trying, was just there, not going away. And I am here to testify; later in life has been the most meaningful time of all. He has been my rock through my current sorrow. I am so lucky he is my Dad no matter the past. I have really appreciated this exchange between you and Babushka because I no longer think you are a troll. And, perhaps behind the cold hearted bravado of your initial letter, there is a reaching out beyond the confessional. Perhaps, the raw pain of those supporting each other here, surviving unimaginable breakdowns in sorrow, has mysteriously drawn you to Chump Lady for insight… Your kind words were appreciated. Yes, Divorce Lawyers were a big part of the problem. You were the first to mention them. But they were not part of the reason for my original posting. I was trying to show what the devistation did to my ex wife and kids the innocent party compared to the life the guilty party. The serial cheater suffers no guilt or remorse and has just as good a life. More importantly, you chose not to ever have compassion for anyone in your life…until now. You felt love for someone other than yourself for the first time, and now know love exists. You are 70 and you tremble at grace. The unearned divine favor, love, clemency, and a share in the divine life of God. The devil takes his pound of flesh when you leave his kingdom. Or were you only willing to see your kids if they begged and groveled. That 12 years — you own it all. You started shit clearly you really are just a pile of it with sprinkles. They may want to tell their dad that they never get good words from him about how well they are doing like the other guys do. And then have them write a special sentence telling their dad that they want to be in the spot light sometimes too, his special spot light. Like when I get my medal, or when you see my math mark. I think that may be degrading to the kids, having to, essentially guilt their dad into contacting them. I cannt imagine abandoning my kids. That is, truly, incomprehensible to me. Testosterone driven or not, their is something, fundamentalky different about someone capable of this. The clinical observations and conjecture as to causation are disturbing, like Lecter or Lestat. Borderlines use, gaslight, fog, and triangulate the children against the responsible parent. The have no problems lying about anything and to anyone they want to use. The kids are also thier victims and sometimes are manipulated to turn against the responsible parent. This happened to me and I was a stay at home mom …he worked all the time …but when he came home he spent a lot of time grooming them. I am terrified my 2 adult boys are Sociopaths now. Never had a chance to have a real father for her kids. Definitely in need of a morals transplant. To be honest I never would have believed it outside of a cheap trashy novel. Your sense of entitlement is disgusting. At the age of 75 he had an accident, none of his children even bothered to visit him in the hospital. No one was there when the plug was pulled. And only superficial acquaintances were at the burial. He thought he had it all, and yet he had nothing of meaning. The siblings have all made a pact to never mention his name, his photos erased. They are happy, especially since his passing. Being the chump I was then, I clung hard to the fake persona he portrayed up until a few days after marriage. You also say that you are still on the hunt in spite of having a lovely girlfriend who is the mother of your beloved son. There are many serving life sentences that are honest about their crimes, but who would go out and do them again if given the chance. You need to be more than honest, your heart needs to break for what you have done. Thanks for warning all the chumps here regarding people like you I think they already kinda learned that the hard way as this is not a marriage reconciliation site …but truly, you are the one who needs a warning in the worse way, because you are the one facing eternity and those consequences if you do not turn from why am i a cheater wicked ways. Sweetz: I tend to agree with you. It would have done little good in trying again. It would have been the same result within a short time. With my mind set at the time and why am i a cheater a serial cheater it was best for everyone that the marriage was dissolved and I was completely out of the picture. I think your assessment is dead on. Ask the Lord to help you become the man that he was minus the insanity and the pain he must have lived. Too late for your ex wife, but she is with the Lord now and would also want this for you I am sure from her new eternal perspective. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die. The point here is that as long as there is still breath in your body, it is never too late…God wants to save you, but it takes cooperation from you. I would recommend that when in the why am i a cheater of your day, simply ask God for His help…tell him that you are not very proud of what you have become, but feel as if that is all you have ever known or why am i a cheater to do. There is no one that He cannot reach if they reach out for Him. Ask Him what you can do, then do that. As time goes on, keep asking…and you will keep receiving…it is a process, listen to the small voice inside of your heart. I was very impressed with the why am i a cheater by Sarah Why am i a cheater 13, 2015 at 11:03 am above. There are two forks to this entire thread or posting. First is my assertion that cheaters, and more precisely serial cheaters have no guilt or remorse. Any testimonial from them that they are reformed, is insincere and fabricated. I am telling you this from my own experience. I have been consistent through this entire posting that they will never change and it is a waste of time to attempt to reconcile a marriage with them. It reinforces the contention that it is quite possibly genetic but highly dependent on childhood upbringing. In my case I strongly suspect that I may be genetically predisposed to being a cheater but this was strongly influenced during my childhood upbringing. My husband destroyed his first 20yr marriage to a saint. She was no match for the kind of evil that he enjoyed. But the remedy is still the same no matter what our nature or nurture has done to us. You have chosen to hide behind the skirts of sin in order to escape the pain that your father endured…vowing to never be hooked in by human love while still admiring and assimilating all his better qualities. Apart from what you have done wrong, your greater enemy is your own intellect. It will swirl around and around in your head, distracting you from the Grace of God until your dying breath. It just seems to be made to fit the bill of the site. Point 2: This sort of thing gives this sort of person kibbles, which are the motivation for Point 1. It would take less than an hour to write a program to generate this stuff. Old cheating dick is no fun and not interesting. Their real name becomes irrelevant because nobody cares what it really is. I apologize—age is just a number. Hi five to all of those who are more mature and are moving on. I think it is tremendously insensitive to do that to someone who is hurting. I may have a sagging ball sack or whatever. It mystifies me why some of the posters list these characteristics as something to be ashamed of or something that suggests the person with them is less than others, by definition. Raging: I returned to the thread again today to respond to a couple of questions. It has to do with the apparent why am i a cheater surrounding my empathy for the man who was cheated on by his wife on four separate occasions, yet I, a serial cheater, had no apparent feelings for my ex wife and children. You actually refer to this matter on two occasions. My mother was a master manipulator who not only cheated, but was conniving, deceptive and dishonest and often played one sibling off against another. The similarities of the man and his cheating wife in the story and my mother and father to me are obvious. I just felt sorry for the man trying his absolute best to salvage his marriage, knowing the odds were against him. You had so much empathy for your father, that you turned into your mother. Even though you supposedly recognized that she was manipulative and deceptive. Again I call bull crap on you having empathy for anyone, even your father. You are a manipulator and deceptive, so why would I believe you when you say you have empathy. I have read through all of the comments including those that were condescending, mean spirited or intended to ridicule. I understand that these types of comments come why am i a cheater just normal people, who more often than not have kids, suffering a ruined marriage following the fallout from the actions of a cheater. Their comments are simply a means to strike out at a confessed cheater. But I was pleased that it was. I found that the rational and reasoned comments that were offered to have been very helpful indeed. Clarity that the love that you thought false and a lie in your pursuit for self preservation was there all the time and now you are facing death. Facing death experiencing the deepest sorrow of a wasted life: That the true purpose on earth is to love. We risk our beings to love, sometimes at great why am i a cheater. Because we know, love is true. It means that Chumps should just head for Meh and not be concerned about revenge. You do not worry about the feelings of others. You have no ability to feel empathy for people. I would imagine at 21 you still thought lust was love. At some point you realized you did not love your wife because you are incapable of love. The fact that your children meant so little for you shows that you were either born without a conscience or never developed one. I think Chumps should take you at your word that you are not a troll, that you are a 70 year old man who is telling the truth. Even if you are a troll this is still good information for those who still yearn for what they thought they had. I am glad you never married again. I hope the women you were involved with knew who you are and what you are. The best thing my brother did was to let go of his hopes and never look back. He found great happiness and his legacies are wonderful children. I hope your children have escaped the family legacy. Yes, but the only reason use of Viagra is joke material is that there is some thought that needing to use it is ,for some reason, shameful or indicative of some deficiency. It is entirely nirmal to need Viagra at age 70. Why, for example, not ridicule him for use of some other medication related to aging. Ever stop to think that there may be some betrayed men here that are at the point in life where they need Viagra, who may find your ridiculing its use hurtful. Otherwise, it would not make sense to use these things as a source of ridicule. I bet tbere are other men here of advanced years that find using age or an age related health condition as a sour e of belittling hurtful. The Q is — would you say it face to face. And Boom, sex goes to Wall Street for the big bucks… And, an American obsession was born — I never saw men with dyed hair back in the day last century. I agree it portrays older men as deficient as if nothing else matters. And belittles aging in general. Overexposure has become really tiresome… Will aging ridicule bring the letter writer down. Arnold — you are making interesting points all over this thread — wherever you said there are plenty of willing younger women if a older man is still attractive and especially wealthy is right on the money. Why do old people always have matching bathtubs in the woods. And why does the Cialis guy drive around alone in his Camaro. Do any folks here take Cialis then go out alone on your boat for the day, or just cruise around in your Camaro. Deep down, in the quiet of the night, you profoundly know you did a very evil thing, you crushed an innocent soul that gave you her heart and life and children. And the 54 yr old would not be with you if you did not have wealth. I think it makes betrayed folks feel better, comforts them, to fantasize that cheaters pay a price. I have seen little evidence of this. I also wonder if you had been one of the many serially cheating women out there, if so many of the attacks would have mentioned your sexual capabilities at this age or the tightness of your vagina, or sagging breasts etc. Just interesting how baldness, pot bellies, stretch marks ,etc ard not, typicallybrought in when the guys describe their cheating wives. Also, it is absurd to think that serual cheaters are not successful ,loved and admired, or that they die alone. Mlk, for dxample, was not a coward and accomplished great good. One could go on for hours with examples of successful beloved serial cheaters who have benefitted society and who we hold in high esteem. I personally do not take offense, because this is a place that allows everyone to vent. I was merely observing and this is just an impression, but i think fairly accurate that the betrayed men seem to refrain from this, as regards their cheating wive,wheras the betrayed women seem to comment more on physical characteristcs or sexual capabilities. Have you noticed this, and, if so, what do you think explains it. His ex may have died early, but like a lot of women this old geezers age, she chose not to marry. After she was in his words beautiful, and a good mate who raised discerning kids. The look in her eyes was the disbelief, how she had children with such an ass. Sure this guy had plenty of easy women, or random vaginas, but what a waste of life. Seventy years old and he spends his lonely life masturbating to celluloid women. He thinks he got the panties or seduced some innocence when in fact a woman decides who she will sex before she leaves home why am i a cheater the type of drawers she chose to wear. He just happened to be Mr easy. Dude got played and the new wife is waiting until this old fart croakes. Some cheaters do feel remorse. Sally Hemmings was repeatedly raped by her slave master. Shaq and and Flava Flav ex is a joke. Not one alleged side piece has come forward to claim her fame. I remember the allegations as a kid, but I also remember the murders of the Panther Party members. Anything that came out of washington was suspect. Evidenced historically jfk etc and taking a quantum leap with the porn epidemic. I appreciate your sensitivity in any event. Good points and observations Chump4Bolero and Sara. Seems a little weird to me that we are decrying the callousness and insensitivity of the cheater, why am i a cheater we are not conscious of this andI bet I have done itat some point, if I were to go back and look at my posts. If I choose to or can only afford to live in a trailer park, am I just like the folks on Jerry Springer in all regards. Seems to me we have plenty of character flaws to look at in the cheaters, yet there is some focus on age, physical condition, education, sexual stamina etc. While I am thinking about this. I was privy to a conversation where one person was criticizing a person who had contracted with prostitutes for sexual services no infidelity involved. I knew this guy and he had very little going for him, physically, based on our why am i a cheater standards. He is a nice, pleasant, kind guy who has extreme difficulty attracting any women. He looks the way he does through no fault of his own. Without contractinghe stands very little chance of having sex. I wondered why it is thought acceptable that a handsome guy can have all types of sex partner opportunities, based on his appearance and not because of anything in particular that he achieved other than being born with good genetics againarbitrary standard, but it seems to be accepted. Yet, this niceguy that does not meet the standards society seems to have is criticized for maximizing his opportunities by using the one asset he does possess in that market, cash andhe actually worked for it vs being born handsome or rich. I realize there is the exploitation issue with vulnerable women. But, say he went to an why am i a cheater contractor that had full command of her faculties and they entered into an arms length agreement. Anyone think the criticism of the customer is warranted. There are why am i a cheater of not-so-attractive women out there for men like him to date. Please do not stereotype Narcs as having to be physically attractive. He expects his women to look like models although his work wife, mistress, whore, he bragged about in actuality looked like an old toad. He was able to get supply by dangling our marriagAl assests which he flaunted to his toad for desperate sexy. These selfish whores want money… The longer you are married the more golden the egg is to them to steal. I think the Narcs themselves are the ones that have given the stereotype that they are attractive. You can apply projection and crystallization on yourself. When they look in the mirror they see what they want to see. This explains why you why am i a cheater someone who is really slimy and gross but thinks they are fabulously good looking. You are right…when I had to provide a picture of my husband after I filed my lawyer kept looking why am i a cheater the photo which contained my husband and son. The lawyer immediately pointed to my handsome son and said Is this your husband. I laughed and he kept repeating this guy…this guy is the one. I said Yeap can you believe it. I think they pick trophy wives to fool more women to compete for them. This begs the Q, What is attractive. So yes, for those living perfectly lovely lives in great trailer and mobile home communities this is an unfortunate blanket stereotype that in no way represents the majority. But I why am i a cheater in this rather long post. He may never even read this page. Although the audience response may further stroke his ego, the big payoff came just by writing it. Such a self affirming manifesto, it is. Nobody wants you and you know it. Your self-esteem is so abysmal that the only way you could ever feel good about yourself was to cheating and deceiving people. A psychopath thinks sheep are beneath him. A Narc life is a sad and painful life to be sure. Not even that 54 year old made it go away did she. Hey, maybe there 19-year old hooker on Craigslist you can pay for a blowjob. You best just keep lying and hiding you sad soul you. Keep running dear grandpa wolf. Thank you ChumpLady and to everyone who has commented. You have made my day, possibly my week. I have laughed and nodded my head and felt sick and felt vindicated…all in the space of 15 minutes. Or at least their accomplishments were. Take that away, and they are just a common variety lying adulterer. And for every successful narc, cheaters, psychopath, there are huge, thousands, millions who are just losers. Met him just before I turned 15. He was two years older and a hs drop out. Lol, I met why am i a cheater at the school playground on a school holiday. He alternated between treating me bad and treating me good. I thought he was a Cheater but never confronted him or caught him. I think I may have been a side Whore, who knows. We dated off and on for years, till finally one day I was just done with him. I thought he was my true love, now I just think What the hell was I thinking. Turns out his cousin is my coworker. I had not seen or heard anything of him in decades but thanks to the internet, he pops up occasionally. The last time was July 4 family reunion. This guy was pretty good looking, but now he is just gross. He had on a sleeveless shirt, unbuttoned low, gold chain, perfect little hairstyle. His appearance is still very important to him. I know now he cheated on every gf he ever had. One thing though, he does seem close to his kids. But i just thank God I dodged that bullet. His outside now matches his inside though. There are many way to be miserable, other than dying poor, broke and alone. Their wives are gone and cheater pants old men have nice retirement accounts to splurge freely on random young women. Longstory short these guys are miserable and ill. The adult children have moved on since mom has died and the only women in their lives are only interested as long as the money flows…. Viagara, penis pumps, fake boobs, vaginal rejuvination, its all a joke. The best thing we can do is to live a glorious life. No, he was just an all around equal oppourtunity jerk. You are so right but I do not fault others for trying to save thier marriages. The church and the courts tell us to. I lived 36 years with an abusive man daily… dreaming of getting out or at times dying. Gas lighting, guilt, children, lack of resources kept me there. It was not until the mask completely dropped, I was stalked and intimidated with fears of being murderd by my Ex and his mistress did I finally realize it was not just in my head. Then I had to why am i a cheater myself up for wasting my whole life. Dear chump lady, I am commenting on this late I know, but I am forever grateful to you, if only for this letter and this one alone. I am such a freaking fixer and when I read letters like this, it really opens my eyes about the very futility of that behavior. Could care less about the damage. He really is the loser and should be pitied. He will miss out on every truly good thing in this life and will waste it on the cheap, easy and naive. He can never get his life back. And the saddest part is that he places no value on what truly is valuable. July 2015 Chump Lady There are so many good people in the Chump Lady archives. To anyone reading this email, Chump Nation needs you. Go to this post and see if you have anything to add. If nothing else, could you come over to the forum, start a thread, and give us new Chumps an update on your Gain a Life goings-on?.

I know what he's thinking, i don't want you going out, but I cant say anything because look at the bombshell i just told you. Debating on whether to leave or not. At about three months following d-day I wanted to go back, especially for the kids sake. I wondered the same thing with my wife. Secrecy and evasion are marks of exclusive relationships and also of compartmentalisation and instrumentalisation which are characteristic of narcissists and psychopaths. Keep running dear grandpa wolf. You deserve to speak with someone who is most concerned with putting your interests first. Is there any iformation out there on what causes serial cheating?